After 10 years in the retail pharmacy world you’d think the public would become less irritating. Sadly, I still find myself wondering almost daily did they really just do that? Usually after a particularly trying transaction. I also usually pair that with “how have you survived to adulthood”? In a way, it’s maddening, but in a way it’s also amusing. For my pharmacy friends, let’s see how many of these scenarios you can relate to.
Seriously…it’s time to clean out that purse
Always a favorite. You’ve got a line halfway to China and the lady currently testing your patience can’t find her payment method. Not because she forgot her card or left it in the car, but because her purse probably hasn’t been cleaned out since the factory finished putting the stitches in it. I kid you not, I once saw a pair of eyeballs looking at me from one lady’s purse. Turns out she had her teacup Yorkie in it. I asked the dog if it knew where her debit card was. Didn’t help.
No, your insurance card from 10 years ago won’t work
Another goodie…you ask for an insurance card and get waaayyyy more than you bargained for. Let’s see how many different scenarios pop up.
- I’ve got a new insurance, but I don’t have my card. I also don’t know my insurance company name. Since all pharmacists are wizards…can you find it?
- Here’s every card I’ve ever had since 1952, figure it out.
- So you’re saying that since I’ve never stepped foot in your pharmacy before you don’t have my information? But I’ve been to a pharmacy, does that count?
But it should be free
Needless to say, medicine isn’t actually free. That’s a fun argument for a different day, but before I even put pulls in the bottle it’s $12.99 for overhead. We’re lucky to get 5¢ on most scripts from insurance companies. That being said, it does no good to yell at the pharmacy over your 27¢ copay. Pretty sure I can find that in the parking lot. Better yet, ask any one of the other hundred people paying through the nose for insulin if they’ll spot you 27¢ for your pain meds. SMH.
While we’re on the subject…about that infamous discount card commercial where the pharmacist just taps a few keys and magically lowers the price. Yeah. It doesn’t work like that. Do us a favor. Tell us before you have the script filled to put that card in.
Boob money is not cool
Especially in the summer. Granted, I don’t know any person in their right kind that would go diving for money in a woman’s blouse, so maybe there is some logic to it. On the other hand…when you’ve got to really root around in there to find your money it may be time to think of better storage options. Like maybe the bottomless purse mentioned earlier. I’ve seen hankies, money, glasses, checks, and other odds and ends get pulled out in the search. No eyeballs were peeking out at least.
No, we don’t want to see it
There’s a reason I went to pharmacy school and not medical school. I can’t even tolerate seeing some of the things my own kids do. I sure as hell don’t want to see whatever funk you’re getting ready to expose and not even be related to you. Like, who waits until half their butt cheek is falling off from a boil and then decides the pharmacist needs to see it? One, I can’t unsee that, and two, why would you do that in a public space?
I can’t treat your dog, goat, fish, or any other animal
Seriously, my paper on the wall says PharmD, not DVM, and certainly not witch doctor. I cannot advise pouring mineral oil down your poor goat’s hiney. Yes, the vet is expensive, yes you may have to actually take the poor thing in. But the vet has to be better than getting bucked in the unmentionables when that goat takes offense to your method of treatment. Just sayin’. See ya next time for the next odd remedy Google came up with.
Speaking of Google…
If Google told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? Given that an MD, PharmD and lab results have given you a different answer, then that definitely means Google is right and we’re all wrong. Since Aunt Marge definitely knows all.
The dog ate it
If people were half as careful with their medicine as they were with literally anything else they own, most of our problems would go away. I mean seriously, these are things that can kill you and you lost them?
I’ve never figured out how somebody can get a prescription written for 30 days worth of medicine 2 days early every single month and still be completely out of medication. Regular math says they should have 24 days worth of meds left by the end of the year. Yet when we call the same person and ask if they need their diabetes meds filled that they haven’t filled for 6 months…nah, I’ve got plenty of that.
When a crisis…isn’t a crisis
Another goodie. At 5 minutes to closing on a Saturday. I’m gonna die if I don’t get my medicine like yesterday.
First, it’s out of refills. Second, you haven’t filled it in 8 months. And third, it’s Claritin. But that apparently doesn’t matter, since it’s now uber pharmacist’s problem and if said pharmacist doesn’t give you your meds your gonna die.